first draft annotating scholarly

Jessica deSousa
April 15, 2009
Annotating a Scholarly Article



Supiano, Beckie. “Student Aid is up, but the rise in College Costs Outpaces Family
Incomes.” The Chronicle of Higher Education 55.11 (2008). N/A. Academic Onefile. Web. 15 April 2009.

In this article, the author compares the rise in the cost of attending college to the decline in family income. She notes tuition and fees rose between 4.5% and 6.5%. Due to the rise in the cost of college, the total grant aid per student and total federal loans per student grew about 5.5%. The number of Pell Grant recipients held steady for two years at 5.2 million. That number has grown to about 5.4 million in 2007-08. As mentioned in the article, nest year’s student aid report will reflect the impact of tightened criteria for borrowing money. Approximately 60% of graduates have debt from undergraduate studies. The average total for those students is $22,700. Although student debt is a huge concern, not every student borrows money for college.
In-state tuition and fees at a public four year college increased 6.4%. In dollar amounts, instate fees rose $394 and out of state fees rose $866. Private four year institutions had an increase of 5.9%. In dollar amounts, tuition and fees rose $1,398. Over a thirty year period (1977-79 to 2007-08), the rise in family income is as follows:

20% of the poorest family = $463
20% of the middle family = $11,275
5% of the wealthiest family = $146,650

Over that same period of time, tuition and fees grew an average of about $1,300 in four year colleges and $15,000 at private four year colleges. The increase in the cost of college and the increase in family income are not relevant. The cost of college is increasing more rapidly then the family income. This increase in price, is making it more difficult for students to attend college.

I believe this article is very credible. Although by reading this article, I don’t learn much about the author she is very informative. The audience of the article is college bound students. She quotes facts from the College Board, the Consumer Price Index, and other legitimately important cites. The article is not very extensive; however it is long enough to portray her point. It explains in detail the rise and increases of various prices and she shows the figures in percentages and dollar amounts. The article was recently published and all the figures are recent and within the latest school year. The journal in which the essay appears, is also very credible and was published recently

Proposal Essay

Jessica deSousa
April 1, 2009


Proposal Essay: Class Scheduling


The semester is almost over and soon we will have to register for next semester’s classes. This process can be very stressful due to the lack of flexibility in the classes offered. Being a full time student and a full time employee, trying to balance as many classes as possible with work and still make the most of my time, is very difficult. I try to schedule as many classes as possible in the morning without too long of a break in between. By doing so, I would get all my classes and studying completes in the morning and have time available at night for work. However, last semester I found myself with two hour breaks in-between my classes three days a week. There aren’t many other things to do around campus in that time frame so I don’t find the two hour break very useful. This semester, I was able to schedule my classes with only an hour break, this break allows me to do some extra studying but often I find this time to be a waste. I would rather fill in that time with another class but that is impossible with the classes offered. Trying to balance school and work is hard enough for a college student without having to follow a tight class schedule.

There are not many students who don’t have a part or full time job so I assume this is a problem for other students as well. I decided to research this issue and ask a few students around campus how they felt about the issue and many of the students completely agreed with my argument. I found most of the people o questioned had hour long breaks if not longer that they felt weren’t very useful also. After hearing the opinion of current students, I decided to ask some alumni to get their opinion on the issue. One former student, Vanessa Machado who graduated in 2006, informed me that this is not a recent issue or one that the school and really control. “No matter what school you attend, there is going to be some part of your schedule that won’t quite fit,” she responded.
Most students are only taking three or four classes a semester not because of the difficulty, but due to the scheduling. This issue can not be easily fixed, but I think with a little more effort from the school, teachers, and students. I think the classes offered should be scattered between different days and times. When I register for my classes, I would find myself taking a math, English and language class, but they were all taught at the same time. There was no way I could take all three one semester. I think if they added one more class a day fro each subject, registering for classes would be so much easier. For example, the school could offer a math class at maybe 8 am, 10 am, and 12 noon. Then an English class at maybe 7 am, 9 am, and 11 am. In between, they could offer another class, such as a language, at maybe 12 am, 12 noon or 1 pm. This offers the students more choices for registering for classes.

Every project has its ups and downs. However I feel this will only better the school. There are no major costs to adding more classes to the schedule. The only cost to the school would be paying the instructors to teach one more class a day or maybe just three more classes a week. The cost of paying the teachers will be paid back to the school through tuition and other fees. When students register for more classes the more they pay. In the long run, if students are able to take more classes each semester that’s more money paid to the school.
I think this should be considered and hopefully there is a way to make registering for classes less stressful on students. As college students, we have a lot to worry about other than scheduling our classes. I hope to see a change in the classes offered soon for my own benefit and the benefit of other students.


POST WRITE:

1. How do you feel about the paper so far? Please explain and offer evidence from the work.
I think my paper is going well. I have meat the requirements in the rubric such as the cost of the project. Also, I have added a clear solution that will help. I researched the issue and received opinions from other students as well. This is only a second draft, but I feel my paper is very good.


2. What shape do you think it's in? Please explain and offer evidence?
My paper is in good shape. Again, this is not the final copy but I am very confident with my writing. I think it was very well written and I notice a very significant difference from my rough draft to this second draft.


3. What remains to be done? Please be precise.

I think all that remains to be done with my paper, is revising. I need to go back through and edit for grammar and misspellings.


4. What questions do you have for readers about the piece?

Do you think my solution for the problem is reasonable?
Are there any other costs to my solution I may not have realized?
Do you find yourself with the same issue I wrote about when registering for your classes ?

News Story Post wrtie

• How do you feel about the paper so far? Please explain and offer evidence from the work. I feel good about my paper so far. As far as news worthiness, I think my paper meets all the qualifications of being news worthy.

• What shape do you think it's in? Please explain and offer evidence? My paper is in okay shape. It is a good foundation for a news story but needs a little more work. I need to do some more research and be more specific with this paper.

• What remains to be done? Please be precise. I need to do more research on my topic. As George mentioned in his Peer Review, I need to maybe find out why the govenor wants to rise the prices and what projects in particular he wants use the money towards.

• What questions do you have for readers about the piece? Does my paper clearly explain whats going on with gas prices ? Do you agree that my paper is very news worthy ?

News Story 2nd Draft

Governor Discusses Gas Tax in Fall River Living Room

Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick proposes a rise in gas prices

By Jessica deSousa

freshman college student at BCC

March 12, 2009

I think we can all agree there has been a significant decrease in prices. After the crucial rise in gas last summer reaching almost $4.00 a gallon, we are relieved to see the price of the pump under $2.00 a gallon. Last Tuesday afternoon, the Kennedyd hosted the govenort, along with many other concerned South Coast residents who crowded into their Florence Street home for a descussion of Patrick's plan tohike gasoline prices by 19 cents per gallon. But it quickly became clear that many of those gathered did not see things teh govenor's way. The govenor explained that 6 cents of the 19 cent hike would go to projects outside of Boston and 75 percetn of the gas tax revenue will stay in the region where it was collected.

After paying nearly $4.00 a gallon for gas, do we deserve another rise in gas prices? As we can all assume, not many people were pleased after leaving this meeting. "I understand the economy is in rough shape, but raising the prices in gas are only making things worse for us", stated Nancy, a near by neighbor. This is very true. Most people had to find other ways to commute to work trying to save money from paying for gas. There was a great decrease in the number of families that took road trips last summer. "I know I will not be doing any traveling if gas prices are going to be rising again. I just can't afford to pay more than $2.00 a gallon." Jeffrey Canastra replied when I asked his view on the issue. Not many people around Fall River had a positive approach on the issue.

When a nearby Fall River gas station owner was asked his opinion on this issue, he was against the proposal in every way. He claims the rise would "eliminate the edge he has over other gas vendors nearby such as in Rhode Island". There, teh gas prices are approximately 7.5 cents higher than in Fall River. He claims to only make 2 cents profit on every gallon of gas sold now and had to cut employee pay by $2.00. This is not fair to the consumer who purchase the gas nor the vendors trying to be fair about the price they sell the gas at.

application essay second draft

College: University of Massachusetts Dartmouth
Question: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an
experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.


Growing up, i always wondered what job I would pursue for the rest of my life. when I was young i wanted to be a bus monitor. However, that quickly changed. I realized that is just a job and not a career as I began to grow up. I am a first generation American student to go to college in my family. My parents were both born adn raised in Portugal adn moved here when they were oyunger. Back when they were younger, education didn't mean much especailly in Portugal. My fmaily soon realized how important school was to succeed in life. Education is very important to my family. I have one older brother nad two older sisters and neither of them attended college. Being the youngest child in the family in the first to attend college was a great accomplishment for me. Along with my family, I was very proud of what was to come. After discussing my career goals with a close neighbor whose mother worked in the medical field, I realized that was where i wanted to be. I decided I wanted to get into the field of Radiology. In the future, i have a lot of goals I wish to successfully achieve. I hope to obtain a master's degree in Radiology and work as a full time radiologist in a near by hospital.

As a prepared researching many schools in the area for Radiology, i became very discouraged. The feild of Radiology was limited to just a select few schools. I decided not to give up and get my prerequisites out of the way until I found a school I would like to attend. After completeing many applications for schools and scholarships, I began to take classes at BCC. I received a scholarship from the American Portuguese Police Academy. At the banquet, i started a conversation with an older gentlemen whos daughter also took up Radiology a few years ago. I began to question what school she attended and how she got her degree. I soon found out about a program Rhode Island Hospital offers for students who wish to fulfill a career in the field of radiology. This program required you to pass a few courses in college before accepted into the program. I decided that was my chance to do what I really wanted.

As a first year student at a community college, i am preparing to broaden my horizon and move on to a larger school. As I researched many schools throughout Massachusetts, i soon realized the University of Massachusetts would be a great decision. I truly believe this school will help me become one step closer to achieving my goal. I would be involved in various activities around campus and all else aside I would be very studious. I have heard many positive remarks about UMASS and all the school has to offer. I would love to experience these for myself first hand.
I know that opportunity comes once in a lifetime. Though my character may be good on paper, I still need to continue with my learning processes. With such a unique Portuguese heritage and background, i think I can bring alot of diversity into the college. Especially with the location of the college being in Dartmouth, and the a great amount of the population being of Portuguese decent, I would love to bring the Portuguese culture to the university. With this chance, I will not think twice to enroll to one of the best universities around. What I have been dreaming before is now within my sight. The University of Massachusetts will serve as a pathway that will help me build a career in the field of Radiology


POST WRITING:

1. How do you feel about the paper so far? Please explain and offer evidence from the work.

I feel my paper needs alot of work. I don't feel very good about it and I don't like how it is written at all. I need to be more specific and focus more clearly on the question asked. I spoke more about what i wanted to do and not what i can offer the college as far as diversity.

2.What shape do you think it's in? Please explain and offer evidence?

My paper is not in very good shape. I see a slight improvement between my first and second draft hwoever i am still not satisfied. I still don't feel i covered what the question is asking. i think i should try to add more about my culture and diversity.

3. What remains to be done? Please be precise.

I still need to go back into my paper and offer more details on ym heritage and culture. Besides gramatical errors, I need to really focus on answering the question and not talking about other things. I still need to explain my cultrue and diversity. since umas doesnt offer radiology, i still need to explain why i chose umas.

4. What questions do you have for readers about the piece?

• What ways can i add more about my culture to show what diversity i can bring to the university ?
• Have a fully answered the question, or are there some parts i missed or should add more to ?

Application Essay

College: University of Massachusetts Dartmouth
Question: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an
experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.


Growing up, i always wondered what job I would pursue for the rest of my life. when I was young i wanted to be a bus monitor. However, that quickly changed. I realized that is just a job and not a career as I began to grow up. After discussing my career goals with a close neighbor whose mother worked in the medical field, I realized that was where i wanted to be. I decided I wanted to get into the field of Radiology. In the future, i have a lot of goals I wish to successfully achieve. I hope to obtain a master's degree in Radiology and work as a full time radiologist in a near by hospital.
As a first year student at a community college, i am preparing to broaden my horizon and move on to a larger school. As I researched many schools throughout Massachusetts, i soon realized the University of Massachusetts would be a great decision. I truly believe this school will help me become one step closer to achieving my goal. I would be involved in various activities around campus and all else aside I would be very studious. I have heard many positive remarks about UMASS and all the school has to offer. I would love to experience these for myself first hand.
I know that opportunity comes once in a lifetime. Though my character may be good on paper, I still need to continue with my learning processes. With this chance, I will not think twice to enroll to one of the best universities around. What I have been dreaming before is now within my sight. The University of Massachusetts will serve as a pathway that will help me build a career in the field of Radiology.

radio essay- 2nd draft

Life is Too Short


Live the life you love and love the life you live. My father told me this one day when I was younger and when I first heard this, I was very amazed at how eleven little words could tell me how to live my life. You only live once and the life you are blessed with is far too short to be taken for granted. Each and every day should be lived to the fullest without any regrets. When we are first born we have to rely on our parents to guide us in the best direction for life. Once we reach a certain age the choice is ours. Why let time fly by while you spend it thinking about what you should have done? Instead, make a change and live without regrets. Don’t make a move unless your hearts in it and don’t ever look back on the past with any doubt.
Throughout my nineteen years of life, I have slowly begun to realize that I am blessed and I have a greater appreciation for my life. Whoever said life was easy lied. Nothing in life comes easy and I strongly believe you have to work hard to get what you want.

When my siblings and I were younger, my parents were always so over protective with us especially when it came to crossing the street. I never fully understood why they were so worried about this more than anything else. Once I was old enough to understand, my parents told me that my father almost lost his life when he was 21. My dad was involved in a very bad motorcycle accident and was in a comma for about 6 months. My family became very discouraged but never lost hope in my father. After six extensive and bitter months, my father began to react to the doctors and began to regain life. After rehab and my father’s life was starting to get back on track, he began to realize how quickly his life would have been gone. If my father wouldn’t have made it through this tragic accident, my siblings and I would not have had a chance at our lives.
Throughout all the struggles and heard times, I refer back to the phrase, life is too short and it reminds me to stay positive and include my heart in every decision I make. When I see people down or depressed I try everything to reassure them that their life is what they make of it and only they have the power to make it happy and successful. I wish everyone could see the meaning of life and live it to the fullest and not take one single moment for granted.

this i beleive - radio essay

Jessica deSousa
English 11
January 30, 2009


Life is Too Short


Live the life you love and love the life you live. My father told me this one day when I was younger and when I first heard this, I was very amazed at how eleven little words could tell me how to live my life. You only live once and the life you are blessed with is far too short to be taken for granted. Each and every day should be lived to the fullest without any regrets. When we are first born we have to rely on our parents to guide us in the best direction for life. Once we reach a certain age the choice is ours. Why let time fly by while you spend it thinking about what you should have done? Instead, make a change and live without regrets. Don’t make a move unless your hearts in it and don’t ever look back on the past with any doubt.
Throughout my nineteen years of life, I have slowly begun to realize that I am blessed and I have a greater appreciation for my life. Whoever said life was easy lied. Nothing in life comes easy and I strongly believe you have to work hard to get what you want. I have recently lost a very close cousin to a drug overdoes because he wasn’t fortunate enough to realize only he was in control of his life. My cousin was for the most part a very happy and outgoing person. He was always having fun and making the most out of his life. When he successfully attempted suicide, my entire family was in shock. How could such a happy person be so upset with their life to take it away? This question still lingers in my mind and I still wonder what reason caused him to react in this way? I wish I could have had one more talk with him because I would tell him, “Love the life you live and live the life you love”!

When my siblings and I were younger, my parents were always so over protective with us especially when it came to riding to crossing the street. I never fully understood why they were so worried about this more than anything else. Once I was old enough to understand, my parents told me that my father almost lost his life when he was 21. My dad was involved in a very bad motorcycle accident and was in a comma for about 6 months. My family became very discouraged but never lost hope in my father. After six extensive and bitter months, my father began to react to the doctors and began to regain life. After rehab and my father’s life was starting to get back on track, he began to realize how quickly his life would have been gone. If mad father wouldn’t have made it through this tragic accident, my siblings and I would not have had a chance at our lives.
After hearing this story and loosing a very close family member, I decided I was going to be the best I could in life and I was going to live each and every day to the fullest. Throughout all the struggles and heard times, I refer back to the phrase, life is too short and it reminds me to stay positive and include my heart in every decision I make. When I see people down or depressed I try everything to reassure them that their life is what they make of it and only they have the power to make it happy and successful. I wish everyone could see the meaning of life and live it to the fullest and not take one single moment for granted.

talk back in class essay; eating disorders

i agree with you on my opening paragraph although i feel it could be stronger and have more detail. i am still working on it and thinking of new ways to start my paper. i need to revise my paper and make sure i stay focused on the topic and don't get off subject. i don't really explain the role of the media on woman i basically describe woman in general who feel overweight. i am going to try to work on this some more and be more clear. this will help me in writing reports for other classes and help me to stay focused on the topic. i dont see anything else wrong other than the mistakes you pointed out to me .

in-class essay; eating disorders

Eating Disorders in Woman

I agree with Kilbourne in suggesting images of woman in the media encourage young girls ad grown woman to be unnecessarily preoccupied with their weight. Magazines are portraying images of celebrities to younger girls making them feel they have to be very slim to be beautiful. Younger girls are looking up to these celebrities and want to be just like them. too many woman are self-conscious about the way they look.

All over magazines, you see celebrity woman showing off their body image. younger children see this and don't realize they are made to look this way. when other woman as well as younger girls who may not naturally look as good, are exposed to this, i believe they become depressed about their self image and feel that they are not beautiful or skinny enough. In all reality, as stated in the article 80% of fourth grader girls are watching their weight. This number is far too high considering a large majority of them are far from overweight. At such a young age these girls don't realize their bodies are just beginning to rapidly change and they still have a lot of growing to do. Seeing someone who is shown to look smaller and toned makes younger girls want to look the same. This image celebrities have made cause even the thinnest woman to be preoccupied by their weight.

Every woman, especially younger girls, look up to another woman in their life as a role model. they want to be just like them and live the lifestyle they live. Also, this includes the way they look on television, in magazines and in movies. This is not limited to the style of their clothes or hair but is as complex as the size and shape of these woman. Most girls don't realize these celebrity woman do not entirely look the way they do on camera in real life. They are made to look the best they possibly can.

Woman today, feel it is okay to not eat healthy and exercise far too much as long as they look good and are within compliance of the "stick like standards of beauty". Not only is this a bad idea for younger girls to be exposed to but when this plan to look good fails girls become discouraged and have a low self esteem. As stated in the article, 40% of college woman felt overweight when in reality, only 12% were too heavy. That leaves the other 28% of thin woman feeling over weight.

These woman need to take a good look at themselves and realize they are not going to look like these celebrities do. They may exercise and work out to become toned like celebrity woman but it is not likely they will look like them. Trying to look like someone your not is just about impossible.


POST WRITING:
1. How do you feel about the paper so far? Please explain and offer evidence from the work.
I think my paper still has a long way to go. I need to expand on my ideas and be more clear about what i am trying to say.
2. What shape do you think it's in? Please explain and offer evidence.
My paper is in fair shape. I have my main ideas and points down now i need to expand on them and get my point across.
3. What remains to be done? Please be precise.
I need to revise and edit my paper. I have to organize the paragraphs so they are in order and are not going off subject. I need to check for grammar errors and misspelling.
4. What questions do you have for the readers about the piece?
Did I get my point across clearly? Did I offer enough evidence to support what I have said? Is my paper organized so that it is easy to read and move from one idea to the next?